3.29.2002

The Friday Five

1. If you could eat dinner with and "get to know" one famous person (living or dead), who would you choose?
Hmmm - hard to just name one...Eleanor Roosevelt probably.

2. Has the death of a famous person ever had an effect on you? Who was it and how did you feel?
I can remember a lot of moments of disbelief - Kurt Cobain, Princess Diana, George Harrison. Not that I idolized any of them, just because I felt like they still had so much of their lives left and they wanted to do so much with them.

3. If you could BE a famous person for 24 hours, who would you choose?
Anyone, just so I can get someone to do my laundry and pay my bills.

4. Do people ever tell you that you look like someone famous? Who?
In college, people told me I looked like Amy Grant. Probably just the hair, though, back when her's was long and curly like mine.

5. Have you ever met anyone famous?
David Copperfield, Dick Butkus, Micheal & Janet Jackson, more embarrasing than exciting.

Plans for the weekend? Don't forget about dung bingo. And have a great Easter and Bunsen Burner Day.

3.28.2002

LIVE Quote of the Day v1.3

The things that happen at the bagel shop I frequent make me think I'm on candid camera sometimes. Today I'm in line minding my own business as usual and two very nicely dressed guys are in line behind me. I'm deciding on my flavor of the day so I'm not really listening to their conversation even though they're speaking loud enough for the people outside to hear it.

Then I hear this:

Guy #1: "You scream like a girl."
Guy #2: "Yeah, well at least I don't call myself 'The Fonz'."

....silence....

Guy #2: "Nice comeback."

...silence(except for me laughing)...

I almost felt sorry for the guy. Almost. C'mon, he calls himself 'The Fonz' for christsakes.

3.27.2002

Hello?

So I'm back from a vacation with sweet Dave. I took him away to a bed & breakfast for his birthday. A great time was had by all. Or both. Whatever.

I was thinking I'd be back here on Monday, but I had to go out of town for work and just got back last night. The good thing is, I finished the book I've been reading, The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing. A great read if you're a neurotic, 30-something like me who's had some really bad luck with past relationships.

So I'm back and the first piece of news I read is this. I don't know about you, but I take my sex dolls through the back door so things just like this won't happen.

3.22.2002

The Friday Five

1. What is your favorite time of year? In this order: Summer, Fall, Spring, Winter

2. What is it about your favorite season that, well, makes it your favorite season? The summer heat. I live in FL, so it gets pretty hot here. The hotter the better.

3. What is your least favorite time of year? Why? Winter - I hate being cold. It is 59 degress inside my office this morning. Ugh.

4. Do you do anything to celebrate or recognize the changing of seasons? Not really, just notice it maybe.

5. What's your favorite thing to do outside? Definitely the beach and anything around or on the water. I like running in the summer too, only once my body gets acclimated to the heat though.

3.21.2002

Non Dairy Creamer is Flammable.

Warning: Do not try this at home. The accident was produced by professionals.

Did anyone ever tell you this? Is there are warning on the label? Noone told me this fact. I did not grow up just knowing the non-dairy creamer is flammable. I don't even like coffee.

Being the kind person I am, I volunteered to be the designated driver for a few friends my senior year in college. After being out until all hours of the night, and my friends attempting to drink the entire town dry of bacardi, we stopped at the usual late-night diner spot for a twilight bite to eat.

I order my usual, a grilled cheese with extra pickle slices and a chocolate shake. My leaning friends all order slams of some sort and coffee. The server brought the coffee and drinks out first. And for some strange reason she was wearing those fluffy bunny slippers.

After what seemed 3 hours, she also delivered our food. Probably one of the best grilled cheese sandwich halves I have ever had. I only got to eat half of it because of the fire we they caused.

See, after Rachel finished eating, she decided to smoke. She was swaying and talking and making crazy hand motions as she so often did when she was drinking. At one point I even remember her saying, "...and I don't even ssshmoke!".

At this same time, Stacey was pouring some non-dairy creamer into her coffee and it caught fire. Startled, she threw the creamer across the table and the powder went everywhere. The entire table seemed to burst into flames within milliseconds. Rachel's very long hair caught on fire and became quite short. Stacey's hand was on fire, but she quickly remembered Stop, Drop, and Roll from elementary school to put it out. That's how Rachel escaped baldness, she stopped, dropped and rolled too.

All of our food was on fire. The curtains were on fire. The table next to us was on fire. The carpet was on fire. My shoes were on fire. It was like a virus, taking over the whole place.

The waitress screeched over with pitchers of water. It would get better for a few seconds, then go back up again.

The fire department finally came and with one fail swoosh, put the whole thing out.

We weren't allowed in there again until Rachel's hair grew back and they didn't recognize her anymore.

And I don't even like coffee.

3.20.2002

News Time

Disturbing News:

An 11-year old boy is in court accused of murder. 11-years old. Wow.

And if that weren't enough, 89 Charged in Online Child Porn Network. Of those 89, a foster parent, two Catholic priests, and medical, educational, military and law enforcement professionals, according to the FBI.

I almost don't even want to read the news anymore.

Other Breaking news:

How neat is this? This Brazilian guy is going to sail 14,000 miles in boat made from plastic bottles. All in protest of pollution. Why do I feel so unproductive just working a regular job?

Heckenkamp, the guy that hacked Ebay for one, may be going a little nutty. Looks like we all may get subpoenas to testify in his trial.

Is it just me or shouldn't we have known about this?

And doesn't this kind of defeat the purpose?

Penis stories, penis stories, penis stories everywhere. Oh, and Pele's going to help market Viagra.

Almost forgot...Happy Birthday Big Bird!!

3.19.2002

LIVE Quote Of The Day

Scene: The Bagel Shop

Setup: I'm innocently standing in line to order my bagel. I can't help but overhear another conversation.

Sweaty girl, to sweaty guy: "You've done your job. My butt hurts."

I couldn't help but chuckle-snort.

3.18.2002

Weekends are good.

I was about 6 1/2 when I realized the value of weekends. And not just because of all the extra play time with neighborhood kids and my brother.

We had this dog, a schnauzer, that I first met at the airport when I was 4. We wanted a puppy and my mother insisted on a schnauzer. Not just any schnauzer, though, one with papers. I wasn't too sure what this meant at 4, but I was sure it had something to do with poop. So my mother found one from somewhere far away (my brother tried to convince me she was from Alaska, though I was sure it was just Texas) and had her flown in. We picked her up at the airport and she slept in my lap the entire ride home.

She was a good friend to my brother and I. She played with us at each and every whim and protected us from all the evil in the world. She also had this rather unhealthy obsession with fetching tennis balls.

So fast forward to when she was about 2, fetching tennis balls my brother was throwing. I was riding my banana-seat bicycle (with the flag on the back) around the end of our cul-de-sac and back out toward the main street of the neighborhood. Next thing I know, I'm face-first, flat on the ground screaming as loud as I can. Within seconds, my mother was there picking me up to get me to the nearest sink to survey the damage. Four of my front teeth had been knocked out. The top two middle and the bottom two middle. And I had about 83 pebbles implanted into my face.

With the precision of a pro-bowler, my brother had thrown the tennis ball to where it would sail right in front of my bike. With the dog right after it. Needless to say I hit her and flipped over my shiny chrome handle bars and landed on the painful pavement.

All I could think was that I was glad it was the weekend so maybe my face would be back to normal by school on Monday.

My brother still denies that he was even part of the fiasco. I can still remember him laughing at me trying to eat. We found all but one of my teeth, and I got some serious money from the tooth fairy for the generous contribution.

And school wasn't so bad. The other kids enjoyed the fact that I could stick my tongue out at them while smiling.
Introducing, the iBong. "Illustrating the connection between Macs and marijuana, an old Mac Classic has been converted into a bong."

3.15.2002

The Friday Five

1. What's your favorite animal? I really like all animals - so much so that at one time I was going to be a vet. I guess my favorites are monkeys, tigers, and elephants. (Oh My!)
2. What pets have you had in your lifetime? Dogs, cats, and fish. I remember hamsters, but I think that was my brother.
3. Is there any specific pet that you've wanted but never had? Why? I asked for a monkey for my birthday once. Didn't get it.
4. Are you allergic to any animals? Nope.
5. Do you have any 'pet' pet peeves (your pets or others')? Not keeping your dog on a leash. Now, I do this sometimes, but I DO keep an eye on her to make sure she's not about to bolt at another dog/cat/person/tree. A close second is having a big dog in a small apartment. I think that's just awful for the dog.
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered the ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.

The Russians used a pencil.

3.14.2002

Mr. Wizard's World

Apparently we will soon be able to move cursors on the screen just by thinking about where we want them to go. The current testing has been with a monkey with OJ as a reward. I can't even imagine all the possibilities. And how lazy it's going to make me.

Researches have found that chewing gum may make people smarter. So with my post-smoking addiction to Extra, I should be a freaking genius by now. So where's my $500,000?

If you even remotely enjoy neat photography, you've got to check this out.This magic camera was just rescued from a lake and now takes some very cool pictures.

3.13.2002

Tagalong

So 90 years ago yesterday, The Girl Scouts were founded. I have pretty fond memories of being forced to join when I was about 6 - that's Brownies I guess. Did I mention that I was painfully shy as a child? Well, it turned out to be a pretty good experience. I can even remember when I eventually became a Girl Scout thinking that this was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. OK, I was only 10. So happy belated birthday to the wonderful organization that brings us Thin Mints. Applause.

And in other news....

If anyone is looking for a date to the Oscars, Nicole Kidman is available. She might even win and thank you on TV. Sounds like it's time for an Ebay auction to me.

And...

So you're a major league baseball player making in excess of $1 million this year. What's the first thing you think of? Well, if you're Ruben Rivera and your locker is right by Derek Jeter's, you steal his shit for cash. And get fired. And get a contract settlement for $200,000. All because he was hard up for $2500. Smooth move guy.

And last but not least...(drumroll please)....

I am currently numero uno for a google search for deep+blue+day. Well, it is the name of the site I guess. At least it's not as disturbing as some of the ways people find me.

3.11.2002

Begun, this cold war has.

I didn't catch it last night, but I caught it here today. And it's going to be good.
Fullproof No-Second-Date Instructions

Not too long after I got divorced, the majority of my friends had this unstoppable urge to set me up with their "friend". The reasons varied. Because he is really nice. Because he is really cute. Because they thought we'd have fun together. Because I needed to meet people and be happy.

I declined all of the invitations. Because I was finally happy and finally rid of the biggest burden of my life.

Well, I did accept one. We'll call him Bob to protect the innocent.

Bob emailed me within seconds it seemed of me nervously accepting the "set-up". He description was as follows: brown, curly hair, blue eyes, goatee (a Jen prerequisite), 185 lbs; active; into computers, reading, and anything outside. He's a self-employed web guru. I'm thinking it sounds not too bad. We set up something for the following Saturday at Bennigan's, a bar and grill kind of place.

Bob said that he'd be outside waiting for me wearing a blue shirt and khaki pants. I'm not sure how he knew what he'd be wearing Tuesday for the Saturday meeting, must be a guy thing.

So I'm running late as usual and I call the restaurant just to let him know that I'm late. I finally get there and he's sitting down at a table. Woah. The guy is the spitting image of Weird Al Yankovic and I can barely hold in my surprise at his appearance versus his description. And get this, he's already eating. Maybe if I were an hour late or something, yes, but I was 10 minutes late. I should have left at this point.

So I end up ordering a salad or something and a beer. He proceeds to tell me his life story without taking a single breath of air. I became so bored that I started trying to think up interesting one-word replies to his ramblings. "Really." "Hmmmph." "Uncanny!" "Shock!" "Fresh!" He actually enjoys the variety I think.

I manage to finish half of my salad before I just could not take it anymore. I wasn't sure what short sentence I could say that would give him the hint to stop talking and pay the check. So I slipped in a quick, "That was great". He must have assumed I was talking about him, because he immediately paid the check and asked if I wanted to go to his place.

Uh, sorry, Weird Al, oh I mean, Bob.

3.08.2002

The Friday Fiverinos

1. What makes you homesick? When I didn't live at home, I really missed the water. There's nothing like driving over the bridge to the beach and smelling the salt water.

2. Where is "home" for you? Is it where you are living now, or somewhere else (ie: Mom & Dad's house, particular state/city)? Pensacola, FL - I've been back for a little over 4 years.

3. What makes it home for you? People? Things? Family, friends, history

4. Where is the furthest you've been from home, miles-wise? 2800 miles - Portland, OR for a 200-mile relay race.

5. What are your plans for this weekend? happy hour, relaxing, wedding planning

3.07.2002

Unbelievable

Hit-and-run victim trapped for two days in windshield of car that struck him. "Mallard told police she periodically went into the garage, apologizing to him but doing nothing about his cries for help". And her lawyer actually says that "this was simply a case of failure to stop and render aid". Wow.
All the News that Fit to Sit On

I had no idea the Sams card was so official. Well, it was Little Rock.

This guy is a hacker. He's hacked into sites like Yahoo, Excite, and The New York Times to name a few. And he's homeless. I guess what surprises me is that he won't take money from the companies when he tells them how he got in. "When I was thirsty during Excite@Home, they bought me a 50-cent bottle of water," he said. "That's the most I got." As this is illegal, this guy may get indicted. At least he'd have a place to stay.

I'm am so excited about seeing 20-minute replays of baseball games this year. What a great idea for those of us who can't possible watch every game. It's like Baseball Tonight, but better. I can suddenly see my productivity suffering.

Sheryl Crow is speaking out about the way younger artists are portraying themselves close to porn stars. "They're baring it all like that's what has to be done to make it as a musician". Well, to me her opinions don't count much when she goes to the Grammy Awards like this. And she has pictures in that magazine article like this.

In other musical entertainment news, Slipknot is in a new neighborhood. And Barry Manilow is making a comeback. Apparently the Barry man thinks he's always been cool, everyone else has just been trying to catch up. Well, he does write the songs that make the whole world sing.

And if you're look for something to do this weekend, check out the 'Frozen Dead Guy' Festival.

Oh, and please have a very happy National Crown Roast of Pork Day.

3.06.2002

So much news, so little time.

First, thank you voters in Californ-i-a, for denying Condit another term. Maybe the press has forgotten all about the Levy involvement and deceit, but you guys haven't. The sad thing is it's a nice message today, but it won't change the behavior of a lot of policitians.

And Baghdad is bidding for 2012 Olympics. Uh, that just doesn't sound good at all.

A documentary on the whole 9-11 event is to air this Sunday on CBS. I'm not sure I'll be able to watch this. I don't think I'm prepared.

And speaking of September 11, an editorial cartoon has now offended widows of the tragedy portraying them as greedy and heartless. Nice move, New York Times guy.

Oh, and I almost forgot, Monday Ann Heche had a boy. Homer Heche Laffoon. That child is going to need some serious therapy.

Continuing, a 94-year old is going to be posing for Playboy. In a graveyard, no less.

And why couldn't I think of this? I'm really not that mean.

3.05.2002

I may not have a lot of readers, but I'm not this desperate. Hurry up, kids, there are only 3 days left.
"Rock stations are calling me now because I'm naked."

That wonderful quote is the latest from Tiffany, telling the New York Post why she posed for Playboy to promote her new record. Surprisingly, to me anyway, the reviews have been pretty good. This got me wondering where Debby Gibson is. In a quick search the only thing I could find was "debby gibson is pregnant with my two headed love child". Who knows, I would think that would keep a girl busy. So busy, thankfully, that she doesn't have a comeback album.

And while we're on the sex/naked subject, Durex launched a new-shape condom. Anatomically correct? As if it weren't difficult enough for some poeple to buy regular condoms, now they're expected to buy ones shaped like penises. And what is the plural of penis anyway? Not that I'd ever need to know.

And if this isn't enough to make your day, this guy is now part of his wife's penguin collection. Be sure to check out the tattoo on the left side of his chest.

I can't wait to see the search requests from Google after this post.
Today in 1992, the Ethical committee voted to reveal congressmen who bounced checks. Look at what else I found about the wonderful United States Congress:

29 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

And what about all that stuff we don't hear about? Wow, and they wonder why we don't have faith in them anymore.

3.04.2002

So here it is, my new design. I haven't decided if I like it or not yet, but it will stay for awhile, so maybe it will grow on me. What do you think?

Wanna relax for a second? Go here.

3.01.2002

It wouldn't be Friday without the Friday Fivers:

1. What's your favorite vacation spot? My top 3 - Virgin Islands, Grand Canyon, Grayton Beach. I really enjoyed Portland last year too, just didn't get much time because I was running a race. I probably should go back.
2. Where do you consider to be the biggest hell-hole on earth? At the risk of naming other people's favorite spot, I hated Cancun probably because it was geared so much toward young spring-breakers.
3. What would be your dream vacation? A secluded island with hot sun, crystal clear water, great drinks and food, and local nightlife
4. If you could go on a road-trip with anyone, who would it be and why? I've always wanted to go on a trip with a good band. It would have to be someone pretty famous, because I'm not riding around in some beat up VW bus for 3 days. Hmmph.
5. What are your plans for this weekend? Putting together our new patio furniture and relaxing. I know, as my future father-in-law says, "we're getting so domesticated". Oh, and I'm probably going to change the look of this page a bit. Stay tuned...