Hello, I have returned

JazzFest was fun. It seemed we ended up being tourists a little more than being the normal drunken visitors. Lenny was fantastic as usual. Sweet Dave and I are contemplating moving there.

I'm sorry if you came here looking for naked spring breakers again. They're simply just not here. Keep moving.

I'm also sorry if you came here looking for Chili's take out. I don't provide that here either.

In other news, Seinfeld is number one. Word.


Le Se La Bon Ton Roulle

Headed off the New Orleans for the weekend to JazzFest. Hope you all have a great weekend and that you're really really jealous of me.
The Friday Five

1. What are your hobbies? Running, reading, any sport, movies, music.

2. Do you collect anything? If so, what? I like to collect old bottles.

3. Is there a hobby you're interested in, but just don't have the time/money to do? Can travel be considered a hobby? I'm really interested in photography, just don't have the time and money to invest. It would be really neat to make a dark room in my house and develop my own pictures.

4. Have you ever turned a hobby into a moneymaking opportunity? Nope, then I probably wouldn't enjoy it as much.

5. Besides web-related stuff (burbs, rings, etc.), what clubs do you belong to? Does Netflix count? Just running clubs I guess.



I don't exactly have a green thumb.

All my adult life I've made the attempt at keeping plants. I bought them, potted them, watered them, and gave them adequate sunlight. Of the 100 or so that I've bought over the years, I have in my house, one single solitary plant. Even it sometimes tries really hard to commit suicide, but I always seem to be able to coax off the ledge.

I've tried all kinds of plants. Ones that the description stick thing says are hearty. Ones that are unkillable suggested by friends. Ones that are small and new, and ones that are old and established.

Even the plant people say that I won't kill them, but I always do. I know that either they think I'm a serious plant lover, visiting the plant section often, or they know the truth. That I'm just not capable. One of my friends even bought me Houseplants for Dummies. Guess I'm way beyond dummy.

I even have a graveyard for them all. Not with actually headstones are anything. If you peer over the gate to the side of my house, you'll see little pot-shaped mounds of dirt and twigs where, in frustrated anger, I've thrown them out.

Maybe I shouldn't have children.


Wacky News Update

Finally someone he can really talk to that will understand him. Hee hee hee - that tickles, Mr. President!!!

For all of you Viagra users out there, a warning - check out the warning label on your viagra!

Thankfully, I don't have a regular phone anymore, I went totally wireless about 6 months ago. But for all of you out there that suffer from telemarketers calling at the most inopportune times, check this out. Pretty damn funny.

Well I'm just full of wonderful and insightful awareness issues this week. Full of something.

It's National Organ and Tissue Donor Awareness Week. "Each day about 63 people receive an organ transplant, but another 16 people on the waiting list die because not enough organs are available."

So check out Organ Donation. Donate Life.


I'm no billionaire

Things other people accomplished at your age (30):

Mark Twain published his first short story, "Jim Smiley and His Jumping Frog."

Danish novelist Hans Christian Andersen published his book of fairy tales.

Nat Turner led a slave rebellion.

U.S. mariner Moses Rogers made the first ocean steamboat voyage.

Donald Trump persuaded bankers to lend him $80 million so he could buy the Commodore Hotel.

Samuel Morse's assistant, Alfred Lewis Vail, devised Morse code.

Physicist Armand H. L. Fizeau measured the speed of light.

Dr. Narinder Kapany invented fiber optics and designed a glass gastroscope which can be snaked down the throat for a detailed view of the stomach.

Hank Williams overdosed on drugs and alcohol.

Bill Gates was the first person ever to become a billionaire by age 30.

Earl Vickers started the Dollar Project, in which dollar bills were rubber-stamped as being lost, with a reward offered for their safe return.



Blogger Insider, Round One
questions from Alison.

1. I see you started your blog in January. In that first entry, you wrote, "After reading and reading and reading so many blogs I've decided to do my own." Do you remember the very first blog that you read on a regular basis? Do you still read him/her? How long ago did you start reading blogs in general? When you first heard/read about blogs, did you think they were geeky or cool?
The first blog I start reading I stumbled upon through wherearemypants.com - it was then "a fire inside", now a small victory. I was taken by her scarcasm and political banter and soon began returning there every day to see what was up her sleeve. I guess that was about a year ago. Since my first exposure was her blog, I definitely thought they were cool. I began visiting some of her favorites and really became intrigued with some of the lives of the bloggers.

2. What was your favorite moment during your trip to Vegas a couple months ago?
Not to be hokey, but it was without a doubt when sweet Dave proposed to me over lunch. I knew he'd bought the ring, but had no idea he'd brought it or much less planned to give it to me. It was a very sweet moment that I will treasure forever. Come to find out he'd been trying to ask me for about 24 hours, but something always happened that just made it not seem right. When he finally did, it was definitely right.

3. You went to Vegas to run in a marathon. How long have you been running? Do you feel that everyone can run if they train enough, or do you feel like runners are "a different breed" and that not everyone has the potential to run?
Although I ran a lot in college, currently I've only been running for about 4 years - first for weight loss, now mostly just for the enjoyment and so I don't really have to watch what I eat much. I think everyone has the potential to run. What's hard is keeping running.

4. You've been doing the Friday Five for a little while now. It looks like this is your first round of Blogger Insider. How are you liking it so far? What made you decide to sign up?
Well, since this is my first I am enjoying answering the questions and am anxious to see your answers to mine. I signed up because I like to "meet" other bloggers and find more interesting blogs.

5. Do you have any fears others would call irrational?
I have this spider-crawling-in-my-mouth-while-I'm-sleeping fear and the spider-in-my-shoe-when-I'm-putting-it-on fear. So I guess I have weird spider fears. Oh, and a fear of clowns that stems from my childhood. Other than that, I think mine are all pretty rational.

6. What's the best part about the month of July?
Summer heat, fireworks, swimming, picnics, I love it all.

7. Regarding your April 8 entry about laundry: Do you really believe that a teeny, tiny piece of lint will catch on fire and burn your house down? Do you thouroughly clean the lint filter after every single load?
Well, I saw it on Dateline, so it must be true, right? I do clean the filter after every load, but I wouldn't exactly call it thoroughly.

8. How completely stupid was question number 7?
Well, the teachers always used to say that there are no stupid questions. Or was that just to me?

9. Is there any one person in your life who you wish you had been nicer/more understanding with (a childhood classmate/relative/random stranger encountered in the supermarket)?
I think I was raised in a way that I am almost overly nice to everyone I come in contact with. I honestly don't see why it's so hard for people to be nice to each other. I guess it's all in how you were raised and what you've experienced.

10. On the other hand, is there anyone who you went out of your way to be nice to, and wish you hadn't (someone who took advantage of you/a generally mean person)?
As a result of being raised the way I was, I have been taken advantage of more times than I care to count. Oddly enough, though, it hasn't brought me to the point (yet) where it's changed me all that much. I guess I may be a little more cautious, but I'm still the same.

11. If you could find out something about your best friend/significant other that they definitely DIDN'T want you to know (and you were guaranteed that they would never find out that you knew), would you want to know the big secret?
Probably not, because there is a reason why they don't want me to know.

12. Do you have any big plans for the summer?
Well, other then planning the wedding, our only other plans are to travel a little and play a lot.

13. You take over a radio station, and you have complete control over the playlist. It can be any format, and you can play any kind of music that you want. You can even play classical, gangsta rap, and ska all in the same 10 minute period if you wanted to. Who are the 10 artists/bands that you play most often?
Tool, Beth Orton, Travis, John Mayer, Hooverphonic, Howie Day, Pete Yorn, Dave Matthews, Massive Attack, Chemical Brothers

14. If you could live the life of any character in any movie ever made (animated movies count too), who would you be?
Tough one. I think it would be neat to live like in Mansfield Park. Or to be a part of Best In Show, but to be able to laugh at it. It would be pretty fun to be a kid in Toy Story too - no worries except for which toy to play with next.

15. Jena at www.tiltedwisdom.com asked me this question back in December when we were paired up for Blogger Insider, and I'm blatantly stealing it now because I liked it so much: If you could have one blogger redesign your page for you (not that there is anything wrong with it) who would it be?
Definitely Davezilla.

Happy Earth Day. I am finally going to do my part and start recycling more. I have always contributed by recycling at work and trying to buy recycled products, but now I'm actually going to recycle stuff at home. It's just such a pain sometimes, maybe they'll get another petition going around this year that will start curbside pickup.

So maybe you can do something too - plant a tree for someone, decorate grocery bags for stores to give out, download a coloring book, or just read about it.


The Friday Five

1. What's your favorite TV show and why? I don't watch much TV, but when I do I like to catch Sportscenter, Will & Grace, Ed, The Simpsons, or Whose Line Is It Anyway (especially the old ones on Comedy Central). Mystery Science Theater 3000 is also always a good choice.

2. Who is your favorite television star? Again, since I don't watch TV, I don't really have one.

3. What was your favorite TV show as a child? I didn't watch too much TV as a child either, but probably stuff on Nickelodeon or cartoons.

4. What show do you think should have been cancelled by now? Fear Factor. Ehhh. Who Wants to be a Millionaire could really go away too.

5. What new show do you hope escapes the axe this season? Even though I don't watch it, the Andy Richter show looks like it deserves to survive.


I'm Back!!

Not too bad of a trip, but I'm pretty exhausted and anxious for the weekend. I had the strangest rental car - a Pontiac Sunfire I think. Does anyone have one of those? The radio volume increases according to your speed. It was nice at first because the engine is pretty loud at 80, but when I stopped I could barely hear anything but me still singing. Definitely not a good thing when you can't sing. It also stays on after you turn the car off and take the key out of the ignition. It doesn't turn off until you actually open the door. And I didn't open the door until about 30 seconds later when gave up trying to figure out if I had actually turned the car off or not. Guess I should have read the manual.

Some random observations on my trip:

- unique road kill
- useless animal farm
- strawberrys [sic] for sale
- tractors driving *slow* on a highway with a speed limit of 65
- more Dairy Queens in four days than I've ever seen in my life
- it is possible to get a ticket for going 79 in a 70
- i don't like being called "honey" or "sweetie" by people I've never met
- i suffer from 2nd degree road rage
- it is possible to retrieve junk from inside a floppy drive with the earpiece on my sunglasses

And in other news, there's gonna be a movie.

And in dumb criminal news, a guy gets caught not only stealing, but being stupid while doing it. All on tape.


In the News

You know I don't write much about the real news here - so I thought I'd bring you some more funny news I've been reading while I'm on the road...

Probably the best quote I've seen in a long time. Homer vs. the President of Brazil. Now I'd watch that.

And if you're planning on visiting Finland any time soon and you make a healthy packheck, don't speed.

And over in Holland, what's going to protect the cameras protecting the cameras? Hmmmm.


Be right back...

At the request of ms. minadreads at urban kink, this is to notify you that I will be back out of town again for a few days for work. Don't get worried, just check back. I may post while I'm gone, but I should definitely be back by Thursday or so.

So long. Be good.


The Friday Five

1. What is your favorite restaurant and why? Probably some of the local places, McGuire's, Hip Pocket, Screaming Coyote. I get cravings for Chilis a lot though. Hard to pick just one.

2. What fast food restaurant are you partial to? Subway and McDonalds - they both have pretty good chicken sandwiches.

3. What are your standards and rules for tipping? I tip 20%, 99% of the time.

4. Do you usually order an appetizer and/or dessert? A lot of times I'll order an appetizer for my meal. There's just too much food in a regular entree these days. As for dessert, sometimes I'll order that for my meal too. Depends on what mood I'm in I guess.

5. What do you usually order to drink at a restaurant? Beer. Yummy.

Now I'm hungry.


Nothing to see here

To whomever is reaching this page by searching for "cancun spring hot girls" or "spring breakers naked", don't read any further and right now go up to the top of your brower and press the Back button. Whatever you are searching for (I don't even want to think about it) will not be found here.

Resuming normal blogging...

I have received the instructions to master my own evil plan.

Your objective is simple: Criminal Activities

Your motive is a little bit more complex: To show them all

Stage One:

To begin your plan, you must first blackmail the Chosen One. This will cause the world to sit up and take notice, stunned by your arrival. Who is this Evil Genius? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a supervillain costume with gimmicks?

Stage Two:

Next, you will seize control of the Internet. This will cause countless hordes of computer programmers to flock to you, begging to do your every bidding. Your name will become synonymous with fuzzy bunnies, as lesser men whisper your name in terror.

Stage Three:

Finally, you will unleash your Secret Death Ray, bringing about an end to sanity. This will all be done from an amusement park, an excellent choice if we might say. These three deeds will herald the end, and the citizens of this planet will have no choice but to elect you their new god.

Don't think it's possible? Just you wait. I just have to find a supervillain costume with gimmicks, then you'll be surprised by my evil geniusness.


Got Dream?

I have a problem with this.

I do believe that people need to make a living. That's not what I have a problem with. I have a problem with exploiting an image for money. I don't see how Martin Luther King is the same as Mickey Mouse. And I think he deserves a memorial anywhere, anytime. And for free.



There are some people that really like laundry. Me, nope, I'm not one of them.

I can't really decide what it is about laundry that I really don't like.

I don't like how long it takes to do a single load of clothes. Mostly because I tend to wait until my laundry basket is overflowing before I finally start it. Then it takes at least 2 dryer cycles to completely dry. That times 8 loads is a whole day waiting for the dryer buzzer.

I used to be able to complete a couple loads of laundry in a day because I would leave the dryer on while I was out. Then I saw this show on 60 minutes one night about how easy it is for a dryer with a teeny, tiny piece of lint to catch on fire and burn the house down. So I don't leave the dryer on when I'm not in the house anymore.

Then there's the folding of the laundry. It takes only a few minutes, but that few minutes I dread until I hear the buzzer and drag myself to do the laundry shuffle (dryer to folding basket, washer to dryer, holding basket to washer, repeat).

And last, but definitely not least, is the putting away. This always seems to get me because it usually happens by default right before I go to bed when I'm not in the mood to do anything but sleep. Then, by the time I finish, hmmm, I'm awake.

Can't scientists invent some kind of self-cleaning clothes? Or some disposable ones that come in those neat space packets?

Or maybe I should stop complaining about these little, insignificant responsibilities and just join a nudist colony.


My Review

About a month ago I signed up for the Peer-To-Peer Review Project, the mission of which is to randomly assign bloggers to review another blog. A few days ago, I received my all important email instructing me to review the "PayPay: Users Beware!" blog, a site by Rob Miles that I think is located in Virginia. So here goes.

At first glance of the title of the site, I assumed this blog was going to contain information about PayPal and problems had with the company. Upon reading the blog, it was much different. Other than the graphical links to a couple of PayPal-related warning sites, there was little mention of the subject, except for the sidebar note, "This is my "pissing and moaning" blog. I'll post relevent Paypal events, but I'll also post whatever I feel like on a day to day basis."

It's hard to tell when this blog was conceived, as the only archives are the current month. The content is funny and light at times and pretty serious at others. I particularly enjoyed the disjointed family stories as they are similar to my own. The poll of the week is pretty entertaining - the week I was reading it was "Q: This weeks poll is really stupid." There are also some pretty thought-provoking and opinionated posts on religion, which seems more of the aim of this blog as a quote from "An Act for Establishing Religious Freedom", Section II, Virginia, 1786 is the header of the page.

The design of the blog is a familiar template from blogger with the links sidebar as about 1/3 of the page and the content as the remaining 2/3. There aren't an over abundance of graphics, so the page loads quickly.

This most difficult part of this review was the time allotted for the project. As this blogger does not post as frequently as some, it was hard to get the feel of his personality and the idea behind the site. It was enjoyable reading, though, and I would venture to say that I will return.


LIVE Quote of the Day v1.4

Girl #1: "Seriously though, if he asks how much a female zebra weighs, I dunno...I will honestly kill him."
Girl #2: "I know!"

Overheard at lunch at The Brick today.

I swear I'm really not going to believe it if I'm actually on Candid Camera one day.
The Friday Five: To Do

1. What are the first things that you do in the morning to start your day? Hit the snooze button.

2. What are the last things that you do at night before going to bed? Read and kiss Dave.

3. What daily routine have you recently added to your day? Getting to work earlier - I used to run before work, now I get to work at 6:45, get off early, and get to enjoy the rest of the afternoon!

4. What routine do you wish you get rid of? Choosing my clothes for the day - I'm very indecisive.

5. What's the one thing that makes you feel like something is missing if you don't do it some point within your day? Read my email - couldn't live without it.


Mobile Craze
I read some interesting articles on mobile phones today. Did you know that people who grow up with mobile phones are more apt to user their thumbs when other people would be using their fingers. Weird.

And they're developing a new phone - no more being rude - you don't have to make a sound when you talk. Check it out.

We may all have brain tumors, but at least we'll be more fertile, and we can find the name of any song we want.

Rewind to 7 years ago. I had graduated college, married, moved, and was looking for a job. I was having a relatively difficult time finding something that I liked. On this particular morning, I consulted my horoscope as I often do, and it told me something to the effect of "something missing from your life could find you today".

I'm a helplessly optimistic person, so my first thought was, "Of course, that interview the other day went well. It looked like a pretty neat place to work. Maybe they'll offer me something today."

Little did I know it was something much bigger than that.

So here I am waiting patiently for the phone to ring. Each time, waiting 2 distinct rings until I answer. And answering in the most business-like, yet happy tone possible.



I answered this time just like all the others, except this time it was a voice I didn't recognize. Good, maybe it's an human resources lady calling to discuss salary with me, I thought. First she asked to speak to me, but then she asked if she could ask me a personal question.

I was stumped, which doesn't happen too often. I agreed, and she asked me if all of these questions matching my life were correct. Where I grew up, what my mother's name is, what my brother's name is, how old I am. So I'm completely baffled wondering how in the world she knew all of this stuff about me.

Then comes the kicker. There, in the same room with her, was the half-brother I had no idea even existed. He'd found me and anxiously awaited this moment for more than six months. And I had no idea he even existed.

She asked me if I wanted to speak with him and I hurriedly said "Of course!".

But what was I supposed to say? I remember saying was "Wow, this is so weird!". I think I was in shock. I remember talking to him about how he found me. I remember telling him some about my life and I promised him I'd write.

The sad thing is, my mother was not only surprised when I told her, but very angry as well. I was told never to bring it up again for as long as she lives. She's never met him, but she wrote to him for quite a long time. About 15 years to be exact. Now she doesn't want any part of him. I guess he got too close and she's spooked.

My philosophy has always been to have people surround you that love you. The more the better.

I told her that too the day I told her I knew. It makes me sad that she misses out on this wonderful guy.


Problem Number Four

All this talk about work got me thinking about my last job. I worked at S--------- for almost three years under the same boss. The company produced accounting software. My boss was an accountant. Problem number one.

Problem number two: he had one of those "Take a number" signs that was attached to a grenade accessories on his desk.

As in most software firms, deadlines are expected and not negotiable. In this firm, they were also impossible to deliver on. He actually said to me one time, "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." Really. Well then, if it's crap you want, I can have that for you in about 10 minutes. A hard-coded, the furthest from dynamic, piece of software ball of crap. Problem number three.

But the point of this post is not to bitch, because I found a much better job and am quite happy here. The point of this post was to laugh out loud at some of the things my old boss used to say. He had this uncanny ability to confuse cliches. Below is a collection of my favorites, most of which made me walk away from him with a WTF? look on my face. I immediately jotted them down for future amusement. I really should submit some of these things to Scott Adams sometime. Maybe he'll give me a free Dilberito.

"You gotta grab the bull by the tail and look it in the eye."
"It's time to fish or get off the pot."
"We're putting the horse before the cart"
"Thumb of rule"
"We can't continue to beat a dead horse to death?"
"You're a Jekyll of all trades."
"This product is like a crystal ball. We're not going to know all of the problems until it fills up."
"You can't just sit there like a sore thumb."
"What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter."
"We're can't do this, we're just comparing apples and apples here."
"Great job on the import, when will you start working on the outport?"

And my personal favorite motivational tool he used:
He asked me to submit a status report concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough.
He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it !"

Wow. I guess sometimes you're don't really realize how bad it is until you've got something better.


Confession Time

OK. I did go see it a few more times than most people. Nineteen to be exact. And I did collect the wrappers from Reese's Pieces so I could get a cool t-shirt. I forget how many wrappers I had to send off.

But I was 10 years old.

This lady's gone mad for sure.
Thanks Citizen, For Your Support!

My, how I would love to send a copy of this letter along with my very reluctantly written check. I too found out that I will owe $1900 to the guvment this year. All because I got divorced last year.

And oh how that really does piss me off .


Courtesy of everyone

nine things you wear daily:
9. shoes.
8. jeans.
7. engagement ring.
6. mascara.
5. lotion
4. deodorant
3. perfume
2. undies
1. some sort of hair clip

eight movies you'd watch over and over:
8. when harry met sally
7. mystery men
6. star wars
5. office space
4. american beauty
3. otnemem (memento)
2. fletch
1. requiem for a dream

seven albums that matter:
7. lenny kravitz - let love rule
6. nirvana - unplugged
5. john mayer - room for squares
4. hole - live through this
3. pete yorn - musicforthemorningafter
2. jimmy eat world - bleed american
1. tool - laterlalus

six objects you touch every day:
6. sadie
5. cell phone
4. water cup
3. alarm clock
2. current book
1. dave

five things you do every day:
5. shower
4. think about work
3. eat
2. think about running
1. kiss dave

four bands that you couldn't live without:
4. dave matthews
3. indigo girls
2. rage against the machine
1. tool

three of your favorite songs at this moment:
3. beth orton - live as you dream
2. boa - duvet
1. on - if i get to feel you

two people that have influenced your life the most:
2. chris
1. dave

one thing you could spend the rest of your life with:
1. dave

I'm sure every city has this or maybe it's just mine. There are 5 highly unusual guys that roam the streets of my city. I've appropriately named them according to how I have become to know them: guitar guy, lottery guy, cowboy guy, running guy, and reflector guy.

Guitar guy actually lives in my neighborhood. He's probably about 35, always walking around. I'm not really sure where he lives exactly. He always carries a guitar and always waves to every car and person that passes by him. I remember him being very helpful to an older lady that had lost her dog. My first encounter with him was on a Sunday. I was training for my first marathon, and as I ran by he got so excited he jumped up and down and raised his hand to give me a high five. You'd think I'd won the New York Marathon or something. It was nice anyway, made me smile.

Lottery guy I met while running as well. A lot of my training runs consist of loops around the downtown area. I was doing 2 loops that day and I saw him on my first loop and said "Morning" as I exhaled. On the second loop, he seemed a little happier talking pretty loud as I ran toward him. He asked me loudly, "What would you do if you won the lottery?" Trying to think of a quick answer as I closed in on him I said, "I dunno, travel I guess." He seemed annoyed and said, "Travel, huh? Well, I'd like to see you try to give up doughnuts." I thought about that for the rest of my run. I mean I like doughnuts and all, but I'm not addicted or anything. Really.

Cowboy guy I've never actually been less than 20 yards from. He walks the main streets of the city, spouting off something hysterical I'm sure. The thing that I really like about this guy, is he's actually dressed up like a cowboy. Complete with cowboy hat, boots, Wranglers. Oh, and a belt with a sherriff's badge and two little cap guns. Every time I see him I can't help but smile.

I've never met running guy either, but I call him that because every time I've seen him he's running. It could be 5am or 5pm. I'll see him several times in one day. I think he runs all day long. He's got tons of water strapped to his waist, he carries an american flag, and he wears that paint under his eyes like football players do. I can just picture him getting ready to run, oh-so-carefully applying that paint.

Reflector guy, well, he's just a safety-minded biker. He seriously has over 200 reflectors on his bike. They're everywhere - on his wheels, on his basket, on his pedals, on his flag. I guess he's going to start wearing them next, because there is absolutely no room left on his bike. I'd really like to see him at night some time - I bet it looks like a ufo going down the sidewalk.

I'm thinking about these people today, because I was thinking how great it must be to be totally happy and doing what you want. At least that's the way they seem. They seem not to have a care in the world. Concentrating on their goal at hand. Smiling the biggest smile as they do it. Happily greeting everyone along the way.

Or I wonder if they look at me and think the same thing?